A thawing on this sunny
New England day.
A thawing of the snow on this sunny day in
MA and I took a walk around and around and it felt really good to be outside
and to breathe of the fresh, cold air. Leominster
I have many demons that I am struggling with and no support really. I am grateful for when I am able to get outside and to simply breathe and take a walk. I am grateful for this apartment, although we've incurred many debts. I am grateful for my life, what little that I do and continue to do.
I am grateful for the one that provides shelter, warmth, and food for me. He sees not of the demons and he does not know how else to help me; but I need to help myself and him. How to rid of these demons? I thought that if I gave up blogging and of the Internet than they would minimize and disappear all together because I believe that my demons stem from my activities on the Internet and the fact that I am not employed and I cannot pay what I owe in student loans, credit cards etc.
These demons come in the form of collectors who phone repeatedly at times leaving messages for another and yet it is our number they phone. At times the demons are in my in-box or spam mail and in regular postal mailings.
I know that I cannot fend off demons with no income because this is what makes them stronger the fact that I have no income or means for doing things; simple, daily activities like paying a loan, a debt. I am simply unable to and this somehow makes me a target for these demons.
I have not posted as yet this month; I actually want to not do this anymore. As I walked today, I tried to remember why I became a blogger? Why do damage to myself, my character because I am not trusted and the few who may view of the things I write play upon the words and act them out around me; so what I am to do?
Today, I took a walk and it felt good. I find myself here trying to explain of this by saying that I am grateful for what I have and what little I do to continue to have.
Thank you for reading!